Forgiveness and Healing

Forgiveness is closely linked with healing for us as individuals who have been harmed, who have harmed others, and in our relationship with God and therefore for us as community. (Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost. Proper 19 [24] Matthew 18:21-35.) 

Sentence:

“Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.’ ” Matthew 18:22

Collect:

God of creation and recreation;

Jesus Word of forgiveness and healing,

Spirit of new again hope and love,

help us to confess, accept and extend forgiveness

as often as is needed until we are, all of us,

equipped to live in peace and love.

Amen

Reflection:

Forgiveness, we know, is at the heart of Christian faith but we often think of forgiveness as something between us and God alone. Clearly, from the selection of Scriptures this week, it is also very much about our relationships with one another and with ourselves.

At first the instruction to forgive seventy seven times (or some translations read seventy times seven!) seems like hyperbole until you are in an on-going relationship with someone - such as in a marriage or lifelong friendship - and one does indeed need to forgive, and be forgiven, many many times! And living in community, such as church, gives us endless opportunities to practice forgiveness from all sides!

You may wish to read what I have previously written about this.

Forgiveness and Forgiving

In addition to the above writings, I would like to consider three aspects of forgiveness. Firstly, that forgiveness is often part of healing. The church should be seen more as a hospital for sinners than a courtroom. (St John Chrysostom of Antioch, who died in 407, is credited with this quote.) Becoming aware that we need forgiveness and receiving it can be healing. As can acknowledging that there are those who have wronged us and working toward forgiving them is also healing for us and potentially for them.

But confession and announcing forgiveness – liturgically or in personal relationship – does not always automatically make people feel better. Indeed ‘technical or intellectual forgiveness’ can be very disappointing and feel like it has made little difference to our feelings. Here modern neuroscience and psychology have some interesting and helpful perspectives which come out of the study of trauma and memories. Most simply put, our most important memories are stored in a very full-bodied way – with memory of not only the pictures but the smells and sounds – and over time become ‘hard wired’. Repeated visiting only reinforces the experience. But if through certain therapies or the wise and compassionate exploration of forgiveness we can revisit these memories there is an opportunity to re-member differently and with a different perspective can help rewire the memory and allow it to be less intrusive, frightening, maddening. In this way forgiveness can be part of healing. (Please follow the button to "Forgiveness and Forgiving"  which explores Archbishop Desmond Tutus and his daughter  Mpho's book on forgiveness.) I must say at this point that forgiveness does not mean forgetting – for either party – and does not necessarily mean resuming contact. Circumstances vary. Safety may be a concern.

Following on from this I would like to suggest that forgiveness is more about creating a flow than deciding on punishment or avoidance of punishment! If forgiveness rewires us in a way that is about healing (a process not a one-time event) then that healing will clear our hearts and minds so that energy – love, connection, new beginnings – can flow. A metaphor might be that a river bed gets built up with silt and rubbish which impedes the flow and makes the water toxic. Removing the rubbish, even some of it, will help the river flow again and improve the health of the water. In a complex and interconnected life maybe a better metaphor that points to the flow being circular with energy potentially moving in an ebb and flow more like ocean water moving with the tide and with great currents that move around the world.

This means that thirdly, for better or for worse, church and other groups from families to work places and nations, are wonderful and desperate opportunities for practising forgiveness! As St Paul’s words to the Romans makes clear that even when Christians are trying to be good and holy there can be very deep divisions that require an attitude of forgiveness and tolerance. “Those who eat must not despise those who abstain, and those who abstain must not pass judgment on those who eat, for God has welcomed them.” Romans 14:3

Of course, much darker things also happen in churches and other groups which harm others (such as sexual abuse but not only) which must be named, stopped and dealt with comprehensively with the needs of the little ones put first. But even here forgiveness is a goal once the harmful behaviour has been stopped and future harm protected against. Forgiveness is not ignoring or acquiescing to the powerful ones at the expense of the vulnerable.

 So, upon reflection, it is clear that forgiveness is much more than just apologising or being apologised to, rather it is about healing and seeking to live in right relationship with God, self and others. It is the work of a life time and only possible because we follow the great healer.

Intercessions:

Creator God,

tenderly you made us and all that is.

You know our every weakness and wound

and where we need forgiveness and healing.

Forgiveness for our ignorance and greed,

for our use and abuse of your creation and others.

We particularly pray for those parts of our world

that are suffering at this time …

may creation forgive us and even yet know healing …

may the vulnerable in our world be seen and responded to

with care and respect …

may all bearers of grace and healing be protected and strengthened.

Creator God,

Hear our prayer.

Jesus, one of us and one for us,

Grant us the humility and hopefulness

to turn to you for forgiveness and healing.

May we heed your teachings of forgiveness

and seek to follow these lessons in all our relationships.

We particularly pray for the church,

that we may grow in compassion and forbearance with one another

and in a mature love that can acknowledge wrong doing

and work toward healing …

may we offer refuge and hope for the addicted and despairing,

the aching and the brittle …

may we take these lessons into all our relationships

in our families and communities.

Jesus, one of us and one for us,

Hear our prayer.

Spirit of new-again hope and love,

inspire and entice us with renewed desire for healing and growth,

spark our imagination and passion for justice,

mercy and reconciliation.

We particularly pray for our justice and health care systems …

 may we support workers and as community welcome those in recovery …

may we imagine and build communities of reconciliation and mutual respect …

Spirit of new-again hope and love,

Hear our prayer.

Living God,

Creator, One for us, and Spirit of new life,

Forgive us, heal us, until we are able to receive and be love. Amen. 

This is my work informed by all that I have heard, read and experienced. I am indebted to the wisdom of others.